What is a School No Contact Contract?
A school No Contact Contract is a tool used by school administrators (Dean of Students, Assistant or Vice Principals, or Principals) when student conflicts escalate and the learning environment is negatively impacted for at least one student. Born out of experience and refined over the years, I have used these with great success in middle and high schools. My elementary colleagues have also found success with these, especially in upper elementary grade levels.
Students mutually and willingly enter into these agreements in an effort to decrease the impact a conflict is having on them and their school experience.
A school No Contact Contract is a written document used to acknowledge that a conflict exists between students, that one or more students' learning is impacted, and that both students are willing to take steps to stop their role in the conflict. The written document contains explicit instructions for how students can and cannot treat each other, school's response, and the consequences if students choose to violate the agreement.
I have most commonly used these in matters regarding bullying, harassment, cyberbullying, and long-standing conflicts among students. These have also been used when parents and family members (those outside of school) contact the school regarding student conflicts that impact time outside and inside school.
Other names for School No Contact Contracts include:
No Contact Agreements
No Contact Orders
Behavioral Agreements (less common)
(my personal favorite) Distance and Respect Contracts or Agreements
When to Use a School No Contact Contract
Instructional time is being jeopardized. Schools have long walked the tightrope of whether or not to get involved with the inevitable conflicts that arise for students as they learn to navigate being in community. Mountains of case law show that choices outside of school can be addressed by school if they have nexus to the school itself. The "litmus test" I have long used for whether or not to get involved in a conflict is if a student's right to learn or their ability to learn is being hindered by a conflict connected to school. If a student doesn't feel safe at school (emotionally, physically, or intellectually), the school bears a degree of responsibility to address the issue and move toward a solution. This is even greater if a student seeks help from school officials in regards to a conflict that is distracting them from learning. For example, I have had countless situations where a student seeks me out to find a solution to a bullying or emotionally difficult situation with a peer. Though a school No Contact Contract isn't my first tool, it's one that can be helpful as I gather more information and determine the scope of the issue.
Persistent bullying. We all wish that, as educators, we could stop bullying once and for all. Sadly, our efforts don't work entirely. I find that persistent bullying is often one of the reasons students participate in a school No Contact Contract. It's amazing to me how many students are walking around our schools today as victims of persistent bullying. I would be naive to say that these Contracts fully solve bullying. However, in many instances, it's a step in the right direction or stops the behavior entirely.
The situation is getting complicated. It's amazing to me the level of loyalty our students have for their friends. That is often a trait of which I'm proud of my students - that they are a good friend, and show up to help when someone is in need. However, how many times have you seen a small conflict go from a tiny smolder to a raging inferno in your school? When I see a small conflict between two students start to spread throughout a friend group or (worse) the school, a school No Contact Contract can be a great tool to help stop the spread and refocus everyone back on learning.
Parents are involved. It's common as a school administrator to get a call from a parent regarding a student conflict. I'm grateful for these calls because they show a genuine partnership with a community member, and are sometimes the first way that I learn of social conflicts that are disrupting the learning environment. When a parent calls and asks to partner with me to find a solution, I share all the options I have with them - including the potential use of a school No Contact Contract. Parents usually do one of two things when I tell them about it. 1) They either say, "It's not to that level yet. But I'll keep that in mind." or 2) They say, "I think that's a great idea and it may be time for that. I'll talk to my student about it and we'll get back to you."
All other measures have failed. This is probably the most common reason why I use a school No Contact Contract. You see, the use of a contract is not Step 1 for me - I'm often very steeped in the situation and have tried well-intentioned smaller steps to help the students solve the matter. However, when it's clear that all other low-level approaches haven't worked, this is my next step. You see, there's something about the formality of this that causes students and parents to take note in a way they haven't before. And frankly, that is a very good thing. As an administrator and an ally to all students, if my interventions to help them behavior appropriately in school haven't worked - it's time to put this in writing.
A school No Contact Contract will send a clear message about the school's stance on the matter. There is no ambiguity or question. This is a tool to make your stance crystal clear.
Pre-Work: How to Set the Stage before Writing a School No Contact Contract
Remain neutral. It's easy to hear the story from a distraught parent or the first student who makes the report - and take that report as gospel. Be very careful! I've certainly fell victim to the "thinking errors" of Overgeneralizing or Mental Filtering, where the first story I hear becomes the one around which I form an opinion. This has gotten me into situations that were entirely avoidable! I don't know a single principal or administrator who hasn't, especially in the earliest days of our career. Don't worry - we get better at this discernment with time and professional experience. Proceed with caution! As the school administrator, I must remain fully invested in every student's success and be careful to publicly not take any sides. Our role is to get the focus back on learning. We do this by staying neutral, simply gathering information, and helping facilitate a solution for everyone. Be very careful to not verbally or nonverbally side with any student or family. That doesn't mean we shouldn't listen attentively, attune, or empathize with a student or parent! Active listening means we may say, "That sounds very frustrating," or "I can imagine that may have hurt your feelings." After all, what they're sharing is their reality and their truth. Each student deserves to use their voice and have an attentive adult listen to them.
Gather information. It's time to speak to every student who seems relevant to the situation. When determining who is relevant, one of my favorite questions to ask students and families is, "Who else is it really important that I talk to about this?" This communicates to people that you are thorough and looking to gather all the information. I know, tracking down everyone involved could take all day! That's why I stress to everyone, "Who is important" for me to talk to - not just everyone who has chimed in. Then, I meet with everyone. These meetings should take no more than 15 minutes each. I set the tone by saying something like this: "I'm hearing a lot about a conflict between ___ and ___. It's impacting school and that is a concern for me. I respect you a lot so I wanted to ask you to partner with me to solve the issue. What do you think is really important for me know about what's happening between them?" Note-taking is a must when gathering information for a school No Contact Contract. Notes serve a few different purposes. First, they nonverbally communicate to students and families that you are listening carefully and that this is a serious matter for you. Second, many of these conflicts go WAY back - often long before the students ever stepped foot in your school. As the stories unfold, you may find yourself bogged down in details that are hard to keep straight. Notes will be essential for teasing out the details. Finally, note-taking is a vital "CYA" step as a professional. Yes - I said it. Let me illustrate why I'm not shying away from this. In many school districts, school boards adopt a strict anti-bullying policy. Litigation and accountability are more common everyday when it comes to school. Your note-taking can be essential at later dates. Nearly 10 years ago in a neighboring district, a wonderful middle school student took their own life - unimaginable, devastating, and incomprehensible. The family filed a civil suit against (among others) the school administrators for failing to address bullying that the family believe contributed to the student's death by suicide. Regardless of the outcome of that case, these matters are not unheard of. If you're going to take the time to address the conflict with this level of response, always always always take notes. File them away.
Contact parents. There are two groups of "parents" here - those whose kids are at the center of the conflict, and those whose kid is interviewed as I gather information. If their kid is at the center of the conflict, it's vital that I contact them ASAP. That's because they are part of step 2 (above) for me - gathering information. I want them to know that this conflict is reaching the level that school instruction is being impacted, and that I'm now involved so we can get our focus back to learning - and resolve this conflict. I let the parents know my process - that I'm gathering information, that I'm taking notes, that I want to hear their side, and I'm considering a school No Contact Contract to address this. Then I explain what the school No Contact Contract is and how I've found them helpful in the past. I listen to parents' opinions and hear their full perspective on the matter. These calls can last up to 30 minutes. That's because often, these conflicts started very long ago or there is a ton of energy around the matter. I do not rush these calls and focus on being an active listener and note-taker. For those parents whose kids were simply interviewed as I gather information - one of my personal philosophies (learned through much trial and error!) is this: If I ever speak with a student in my office, I always call home that day. That's because it's easier to call parents in-the-moment (which I often do with the student present) then to get a confused call, angry email or worse, an irate parent in my office the next day wondering, "Why the heck did you meet with my kid!?" Calling parents no matter what has been vital in gaining trust and demonstrating my transparency with the broader community. I know it takes time; I know we are swamped. But trust me - this small approach sends hugely positive ripples through the community. Think of it this way. If you get a call from the principal saying, "Hey, I'm working with some students who are in a cyberbullying situation. One of the students said that your child had witnessed it/knew more so I met with them learn and find a solution." That would tell me that the principal is invested in everyone's well-being. That's a leadership move I would certainly celebrate to other parents. My calls to the "gathering info" parents last typically no more than 5 minutes. They are FYI calls and parents are often very grateful that their kid isn't at fault or directly involved. It's sort of funny how they quickly share their relief that their kid isn't the guilty one!
Gain consent from students.
Since a school No Contact Contract is really about students, it's vital to get their "buy in" on the tool before moving forward.
Some students will fear retaliation (see below). Others will be all in! Often though, there are mixed feelings. Students may want to hold off and see if they can solve it themselves. Others will be adamant that school doesn't need to get involved. Regardless, it's important to let students know that this IS an option, and what it means if they decide they'd like to use this tool moving forward.
Fear of Retaliation
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a student express fear of retaliation - I'd be beyond rich. This is probably the most common fear I hear from students, and often why they don't seek out help with conflicts in the first place. As many of you have heard, "Snitches get stitches."
Students are so afraid that "it will get worse" because they came forward. Though I know this is real and that sometimes things do escalate, that's why it's important to see the rest of the steps all the way through - both for student protection, and to work toward a swift solution.
It's important to address retaliation head-on with students, especially if a written school No Contact Contract is in the works. I inform student students that there is absolutely no tolerance for retaliating, and that a student who retaliates will be moved to the next step in progressive discipline. (What that step is is different for each school; respond accordingly.)
Essential Elements of a Written School No Contact Contract
Initial verbal "buy in" from all students and parents. It's essential that each student verbally agree that they're ready for this "beef" to stop, and to get their focus back on what matters at school - learning. I have never had a student say, "No. I don't want this to stop." 100% of the time they verbally admit to me that they want this to be over - that they don't like the drama, the bullying, the gossip. It's also essential that all parents be contacted directly (I recommend by phone), and that they are clear and bought in on the Contract and its goals. That's because most students confess to their parents if someone is making their life hard. Parents are a vital ally in helping students work through conflict and re-focus on school. You'll absolutely need the partnership of parents if you want to truly see this fire social stop burning. Once I have verbal "buy in" from both students and their parents, then it's time to put it in writing. (Note that it's possible to do steps 1 and the next 6 steps at the same time. No need to necessarily come back later, but each situation is different.)
Written explicit instructions. It's important to be crystal clear on what behaviors will not be tolerated, and what students should do from this moment forward. I include lengthy details about what is considered a violation and what to do about it, if you feel the other person violated the agreement. The adolescent mind benefits from explicit expectations, and is really skillful at finding the "gray" areas in life - this is developmentally appropriate and exactly what they're supposed to do at this age. That's why my school No Contact Contract is fairly long and detailed. You can download a sample version here and see how I plan for the "gray".
Your (the school's) commitment. Part of the power in a school No Contact Contract is to be explicit about my commitment and next steps. I commit to the family to be available if the student needs me - that I'm 100% available by email (which is generally true for me). I also commit to investigating all reports moving forward. As you well know, we can't publicize or share the student discipline matters of other students. Therefore, I keep my writing a little vague but my responses very swift and proportionate. We must maintain autonomy to make a professional decision after we gather facts in the future. I don't make any promises to families or students ("If they violate it, I'll suspend them."), since versions and facts may vary. However, I do act quickly if I get a report. This helps maintain trust.
Students' next steps. I tell each student that I need to know immediately if someone violates the agreement; that they can count on me to respond quickly because I want to see this conflict come to an immediate end. It is each students' responsibility to inform me immediately if someone violates this school No Contact Contract. I remind them that it's not realistic for me to follow them around, all day every day, ensuring that each of them do their part. Nor do they want me to! (Students usually laugh at this.) And as young adults, it's their responsibility to communicate their needs, big and small, to trusting adults. Each student is provided explicit instructions on how to inform me of issues immediately, and no later than 24 hours after an event. I say the same thing to parents - don't wait to tell me about run-ins. Student instructions are: 1. stop by my office. 2. send me an email. 3. ask a teacher to send me a message that they need me to see them ASAP. In my school, every student has a Chromebook. Therefore, one of the quickest, easiest, and most confidential ways for a student to update me is to send me an email. During our signing of the school No Contact Contract, I have the student send me and their parent an email so that they know how to send one. Students are also responsible for letting me know if one of their friends won't let the "beef" die. I tell them that they don't have to solve it themselves - but just let me know if their efforts to cease the conflict are not stopping because a friend won't let it go. I then seek out that friend to bring them into the process of a solution (this may result in another school No Contact Contract, but often they get on board without the formality).
Signatures and a "line in the sand" date/time. I ask for grace from the students and parents to have time to communicate with everyone and gather signatures. A student may be absent or I may have a stacked schedule that morning. Therefore, I inform them that by _______, they can assume everyone has signed and we are in agreement. I call this the moment when we all "draw a line in the sand" and they can assume everything will stop. That doesn't mean they can get their last attacks in until then! (Students usually laugh again.) They are told that the moment they sign, they are committing to stop. I simply need a few minutes to get in touch with everyone. No one has ever taken advantage of this (knock on wood!).
Expiration date. An expiration date means a lot for students who need explicit guidance. I tell students that this agreement is in effect until they leave my school (ex. 8th grade graduation or high school graduation). If necessary, I will let the next administrator know about the issue if it feels caustic enough. For example, as an 8th grade principal and have sent FYIs to the high schools when it's prudent.
After the Contract is Signed: School Leaders' Responsibilities
I always make sure that parents and students have a copy of the signed agreement, and I document that I've handed it out. Emailing parents is a great way to document the communication.
Then, I periodically check in with the involved students. Sometimes students want to work through the conflict using resolution strategies that are embedded in the school (ex. talking circles, restorative practices, etc.). It's my responsibility to support them in finding a way through the conflict if both students want to do that. I will add a 2 day, 1 week, and 3 week reminder to my calendar to check in with them. Often times, the first check-in is substantive. However, the later check-ins are met with, "Oh, it's over." Sometimes, they ask for help in resolving the conflict. It's always an honor to facilitate a reconciliation or host a mediated conversation for the involved students.
However... 9 out of 10 times...
9/10 Times...
I always tell parents and students that 9/10 times, the school No Contact Contract solves the issue. Both students uphold their end of the agreement. They sometimes find that time apart makes them want to come back together to make peace. Students often turn their attention on themselves or on people whom they positively care about in their lives. However, 9/10 times, someone won't let it go.
This can be for a few reasons. One is that they are testing whether or not I mean business. Again, it's developmentally appropriate for adolescents and young adults to test boundaries and find the margins of the rules. A school No Contact Contract is no exception.
Another reason a student will violate a school No Contact Contract is because they have felt pretty untouchable by consequences in the past - either at school or at home. They think "It's not that big of a deal." That's when my swift and proportionate response will be helpful in teaching them skills for a longer time in their life. They learn that rules do apply to them, and that there is no tolerance for disrespecting others at your school.
Some students are resistant to consequences, meaning that (whether actually true or not...) they say they don't care about the consequences. Here, I have to have some sensitivity. You see, there are some beefs that are outside the scope of what I can actually impact as a school administrator. For example, in one school, I dealt with a running conflict among two families that had been going on for nearly 20 years. Needless to say, law enforcement had already been involved before they got to my school. Their choices were so dangerous that we were considering each student's safety and appropriateness for our learning environment.
Finally, it's important to note that there will be minor slip-ups in the school No Contact Contract. I plan for that, and tell every student about the one "coincidence."
One "Coincidence"
It's inevitable - one student walks out of the locker room and BAM - there she is! "She was right there. It was so awkward!" They rush to my office to tell me that they had an accidental contact with so-and-so and wanted to let me know ASAP so that they didn't get into trouble. They ask me, "Are you going to suspend me? I can't get suspended, I promise it was an accident!"
Frankly, I LOVE when this happens! When this happens, I know the agreement is working.
At signing time, each student is told that I have the patience for one coincidence - one moment when the other person thinks that they've been targeted again. However, if it happens more than once, I'll have to consider this a pattern of behavior and I need to take my next steps.
This gives me the space to remind them that we ALL belong at this school. The other student gets to walk the hallways, go to the bathroom, eat lunch, and attend classes. "The two of you have to find a way to live peacefully in the same school. You both have the right to be here, and you both have the right to feel safe." It helps move the conversation away from a "gotcha" approach where I want them on the lookout, and more to an approach of focusing on themselves. They should be concerned with their actions and ensuring they uphold their end of the agreement. They should NOT be obsessed with patrolling the other person.
When to Involve Law Enforcement
I am fortunate to have School Resource Officers at the secondary schools at which I do and have served as an administrator. They were helpful when some conflicts were resistant to school intervention, or they were happening outside of school hours. For example, I've dealt with situations where a student stalked another at their house or vandalized their car off school property. These are not matters for school - these are matters for law enforcement.
On occasion, I have reminded parents of their right to speak to law enforcement regarding their concerns. That's because it's important to remember the scope of what we can and cannot do as school leaders. Parents and students sometimes think that we are 100% responsible for all of it - even outside of school. That is just not the case. When I have started to feel as though a parent needs to know their rights as a citizen, I will provide them the number to our SRO or will make an email introduction between them. This is often well-received and appreciated by families.
I fully understand that involving law enforcement can be complex depending on the student, family, or your community. However, I have found it to be helpful to know when I've reached the scope of what "school" can do, and when it would be helpful to involve LE. We each have our scope, and understanding one another's role in schools and the community is very helpful.
When A Student Won't Uphold their School No Contact Contract
It has happened where a student has willfully violated their school No Contact Contract. When this happens, I am mindful to treat this as I would any other student management process - by providing their right to due process, gathering all the information, and note taking. Then, I make decisions based on the preponderance of evidence in the matter.
Each school and district has their own policies on conflict resolution, progressive discipline, and responding to bullying or harassment. I encourage you to follow these policies closely and expeditiously.
What is Your Experience with a School No Contact Contract?
Please share comments below for your fellow school administrators!
